For me everything always merges into one. I start the day thinking I have everything under control. But as the day goes on I am turning into a headless chicken. I need to set a schedule and stick to a 'no means no' policy (or perhaps a 'Yes detox'!).
After writing my previous blog post about loosing my sparkle and looking at my daughter and her determination to create her world, I have decided to zone in into my own world and take action in the childlike fashion that she has adopted. I have decide to apply the 7 stages to get my 'mojo' back, and really take action.
In DrivenWoman we take pride on breaking down our goals for the month and focusing on realistic tasks we can achieve and accomplish. In return this makes us accountable for our promises and our results. I am going to use the same method for my 7 stages and share them with you. They will be in no particular order, just my gut feeling will take me onto the next.
This month I am going to concentrate on Changing My Priorities. By this I want to look into my life with an honest heart and see what is weighing heavily on my persona, which in turn is stopping the real Jennifer from flourishing.
I have come up with three main pointers in my life: 1) My constant lower back pain, 2) My relationship and 3) Time - sleep
I have decided that it is no longer acceptable to me to just put up with these pain points as the norm.
I have a duty to me to take care of me. All three of the above are related in crazy but strange way as I am always in constant pain either physically or emotionally. I have somehow developed this armour of resilience, which I stride forward with, no matter what the circumstances are - I just roll with the punches. It can be pretty tiring and draining most of the time and I have created this on myself.
So lets start.
1. My lower back pain
I have had this increasing pain for more than 3 years and have just soldiered on accepting it as the norm, knowing that it effects my energy levels but still leaving it low on my priority list. I know that if I spend the right amount of time healing by back it would make a ridiculous difference to how I feel and the emotional fight with my inner self would be rejuvenated.
So finally I have started a ball roiling! I have had the MRI scan (no major damaged there) and I have invested in Strength Conditioning Coach to help strengthen my back. I am now looking for a specialist to correct my chair at work and my sitting position in my car. “Action Action Action”. All so easily doable, just needed to get sorted!
2. My relationship
Hmmm. Where do I even start..!
I feel I have become the man and woman in my life. Somewhere somehow after becoming a single mother I have created this bullet proof vest. Doing everything myself never asking for help, just widening my broad shoulders to take on more of what life throws at me. Commitment scares the life out of me, protecting myself from being hurt seems to have become my number one focus.
This is very sad and if I am perfectly honest it's quite heart breaking too because the true me is a real romantic person who would like to be pampered and have someone to protect me and to be seen with. I met a lady in the hairdressers a few days back and she was a widow in her 70s and just fell in love again after the passing of her husband. Her words to me were "everyone deserts to feel love it's why we are here”. Incredible statement.
I have now decided to lay my cards on the table and to be true to me about what is in my heart and if the person receiving it sees the importance in me then we are on! If not, the wheel will have to start rolling into a different direction. That’s fine as I know I will be ok as long as I stay true to me.
3. My Time
I know and I preach this to the world all the time... In order to be come more successful with yourself you have to be present in your work life and social life. Trying to please the Kingdom is a receipt for a disaster. I am the world's worst person when it comes to tasks and I always make myself busy. I spend too long in areas for whatever reason, I do not know why. I think the word for that is procrastinating - ha ha.
I need to make myself more sophisticated in my timing so that I become more efficient and start valuing me more. In return I would stop robbing time from my sleeping hours and stop the vicious cycle repeating itself. The 'no' word will have to surface more often and I have to be very comfortable with that.
So these are my task ahead and I am so intent on sticking to my values - as my daughter has relit that slow burning fire in me again - to zone into myself and trust who I am and what I want from the universe.
I am looking forward to this journey ☺