Eleven years ago, I battled anorexia nervosa, weighing just 70 lbs (5 stone), I strove to find my feeling of beautiful in the physical, to the point that it nearly destroyed me. I would feel beautiful when people would praise my physical appearance, comment on my attire, flatter me and give me attention.
I felt beautiful when I could feel like the best dressed person, the person with the most 'unique' clothing, the best body, the slimmest and the most toned. And I was the person who received praise for this.
I thought I felt beautiful, but I truly didn’t; it was a never-ending cycle of 'never enough'. I was unstable, based upon other people's opinions and the reaction of others towards my physical self. I would also spend a lot of time and energy judging the beauty and appearance of others, and let this become the benchmark for how I experienced life and interacted with others. I felt empty.
The word beauty has completely changed for me.
It is defined by feeling complete acceptance and love for who I am, where I am, and what I am doing now. I have removed the striving, the achieving and the judging.
I desire to find beauty and acceptance outside of what others say, and how they interact with me. I love clothing, dressing well and looking after myself, but as an expression of appreciation of me, no longer defining or consuming me.
I feel beautiful when I understand the calling on my life greater than me.
I feel beautiful when I spend time with those I love.
I feel beautiful when I listen more and speak less.
I feel beautiful when I am growing and learning.
I feel beautiful when I am supporting others.
I feel beautiful when I celebrate others.
I feel beautiful when I laugh at my mistakes.
I feel beautiful when I am making a positive impact on this world and those around me.
In a world of striving and pushing for perfection and acceptance, my desire is that we would all truly know beauty from within, irrespective of the opinions of others and what we receive from the external world. I hope we could all stop judging as it only consumes our energy and separates us from each other.
It is our right to feel beautiful.
I cannot convey the personal impact this one question has ignited; the internal ‘demons’ and suppressed feelings of struggle have become empowering, life-changing realisations. I have been propelled forward in my business, relationships, my physical self and emotionally in tangible, definable ways, and this is just one example I bring before you.
My desire for every one of you is that you would be able to experience transformation in your lives, make new connections and celebrate everything it means to be a woman.
Sarah Moxom is a CEO & Founder of Phoenix Staffing. She's also mentoring women and would like to invite you to the first ever international WiiN Workshop: a female empowerment event that celebrates sisterhood and honours individual women for their unique personal and professional accomplishments. The event is held on Saturday 10.6.2017 10 am in London and all DrivenWoman readers get 15% discount on their tickets with a code DRIVENWOMAN.