Many people never dare to dream big because it's difficult to know exactly what you want. Commonly held belief is that you need to know what you want before you can get it. Feeling confused and overwhelmed leads to procrastination and putting things of, and sooner you notice a week has turned into a month and your life passes you by.
If want to find out the 'truth', the right answer, before you start taking steps you may find yourself sitting on the starting blocks for a long time.
For a long time I also thought there was a single truth, an answer I should discover. The way my life should go. The women who join DrivenWoman will initially want to find out the correct way too. The way to write your CV. The correct kind of jobs to apply for. The right way to build a career. The right age to have kids. The correct idea to present to your boss.
But chasing the right answers makes us miserable!
Stop looking for the right path, instead find the right path for you.
So I started posting myself questions instead.
How can I have it all? How can I spend time with my family and build a business I care for? How can I help others and do meaningful work? How can I work hard and avoid stress? How can I be happy?
Wouldn't it be great if there indeed was someone who could answer all that for you!
We want to find external answers because answering our own questions make us feel uncomfortable. We'd like a quick fix. We'd love someone to tell us what to do next. Finding our own answers is time consuming and it takes a lot of work. Why go through a ton of mistakes if you could just jump start your success! Would be great to get that magic pill, wouldn't it!
It's good to take advice from people more experienced than you, but you still have to make your own conclusions, commit to your own path and more importantly make your own decisions. This includes taking full responsibility for your choices.
I can listen to others but I can't blame them for any of the consequences.
Living with questions can be overwhelming. It feels so much easier to grab an answer or a story you can believe in. It's easier to follow someone and copy them, than to stand up and say, hey, I'm going to find my own answers.
Let's take diet for instance. After having kids my body changed and I knew I had to find a new diet. I thought there was one correct diet I should follow. What I didn't realise was that my body kept changing and I needed to adjust what I eat.
The answers keep changing, but the questions remain the same.
And on a good day I have lots of answers. And then the next day the answers have changed again, so I've stopped looking for permanent answers. I want to get comfortable not knowing what the future will bring. I'm finding security in the questions because I now know I can keep answering them in different ways all over again, and as the answers keep changing the questions become even more important.
So is it bad to look for answers and ask advice? Should we all just go figure out our stuff on our own? Definitely not. For me the only way to find my own answers is to keep reading what other people have to say, listen to their experiences. I take the time to discover and learn, and then I make my own conclusions. I don't take any advice at face value. I'm the one who has to live with the consequences. There is nobody on this planet that could tell me exactly how I should live and what I should do next. Not the smartest or the richest or the happiest person could do that for me!
My question to you is, could we, as women, become happier if we'd start appreciating questions more? Could we flourish if we'd stop insisting on one correct answer and would take the time and effort to look for our own answers?
Please share your thoughts. A dialogue with others will help us all to find better answers, and eventually that can become your purpose.