As far as I can remember back, as a little girl, the concept of the “sins of our fathers” has bothered me. The injustice of coming into this world unblemished and having to “pay” dues for things that our forefathers have done, never sat well with me. I did not really understand the concept fully, and over my life, small details have revealed themselves until today, where I understand the concept better and view it as our genetic back-pack.
More recently I keep asking myself questions about our genetic backpack; “why is our DNA not just our physical appearance? Why do we carry the shame, hurts, wrongs and the pain of our female predecessors within us and why do they affect our self-worth?”
When I look back at my life, in primary school, I remember being confident, happy, smart and capable, holding my own in conversations even with adults. Then, when I went to secondary school, this all changed drastically. I had no voice, felt inadequate and very shy. I was nicknamed “Mouse”, and remained a mouse for the first three years, never daring anything, staying well below the radar. The mouse affected everything: my social life, my grades, my relationship with my parents.
Suddenly at 15 I was angry, “why was I like this?”
It certainly was not a reflection of who I really was. I turned Goth and decided I just did not fit into this world. Thankfully, I started to find my voice and it has grown ever since.
The birth of my daughter has made this subject even more important to me, as it has been fuelled by my nine-year-old daughter’s development. She is beautiful inside and out, and until recently was confident and a shining star, holding her own in any situation. Hormones have started to appear and puberty is raising its ugly head.
I say UGLY, as I see my daughter and her friends, suddenly go from fabulous, to shy, insecure and meek?
I always have asked the question, when does it all go wrong for women?
Now I have my answer. Girls start their lives fabulous, streaking ahead, smart, capable and holding their own. Then puberty starts and it all seems to go pear-shaped and they question their self-worth from then on, affecting every aspect of their lives and they fight little by little trying to gain it back all their lives.
So what does this have to do with our genetic backpack and why are our adult hormones the trigger?
Until we become sensual sexual beings, the shame, hurts, wrongs and the pain of our female predecessors are not important, and we are free to grow and explore who we are. As soon as we develop into women our genetic imprint reminds us of how important it is to procreate and find the “perfect” partner, the one who will protect and provide for us….HMMM!
I thought that by raising a strong, brave girl, I would avoid all this mess, and she would flourish on her own terms all her life…WRONG! Her hormones are subconsciously reminded her every fibre, to be less, to become attractive to a man by not shining bright, by being meek and helpless, so she can be rescued and have babies and fulfill her purpose.
No, no, no, this cannot be right. So all that work I put into her upbringing is just going to be wiped out by hormones and our genetic backpack, all the hurts and disappointments, persecution and death my female relatives that went before her, the imprint of which we carry in our DNA.
So what do I do now, I cannot just sit back and let this happen.
Is it really true today, that if we shine in our own right, that we will be persecuted?
At DrivenWoman we are encouraged to dare to dream, define our purpose and to take steps to a bigger life. And this is exactly what so many women are doing right now in their Lifeworking groups, but they all have lived a life prior to this feeling less worthy.
What if we could change all of this? What if we did not have to go halfway through our lives, before claiming back our fabulousness, what if we never lost our greatness and belief that we are enough?
I started to explain all of this to my daughter and will continue to help free her from our past, by teaching her to hold onto to her self belief, still her mind by meditation, encouraging her self worth and just being there for her to remind her that she can be free and fabulous and shine brightly without the fear of consequences.
I would love to hear what other women are doing around the world to claim our daughters’ freedom in life to be who they really are.
Leonie Troxler is DrivenWoman co-founder and leads a Lifeworking group in Altendorf, Switzerland