This week I was blown away by my 13-year-old. She had set a big goal for this year and we are only in May and she has actually achieved it! Her goal was to be able to do the splits before the end of 2015. She had set this goal last year and had been stretching every day.
My reaction was “Wow I am in a shock! I didn't realise you were so determined.“ Her reply, “I was not going to take no for an answer and by the way did I not tell you I was great!” She reminded me so much of how I was as a child. If I wanted something I would move mountains to get to my goal and the more you said no the more I would push.
This got me wondering, what had happened over the years?
What takes away that fight, that belief, that incredible enchantment when we reach adulthood?
We could put it down to life circumstances and the pressure of providing for our families, constant rejection and the fear of losing it all. Then we invent the 'better be safe' box trying to lock the fear out. So it tightly shuts the lid on our hopes and dreams. We stop seeing what we thought was important to us. We start brushing it away as
"it's nothing special"
"it's not a problem"
"I can easily do without"
"maybe it wasn't meant to be" and
"no big fuss".
Does that ring a bell?
Why, I cry? When I look at myself I think I see a challenger. I have done pretty well so far. A single mother raising two girls and running a successful business, but is it all as it seems? Well its not, if I look deeply enough I discover that I have built that 'better be safe' box. I fearfully hope it will keep me ticking over, cover all the bills and school fees. I have forgotten about me and the things that really matter. They may be small and insignificant to others, but they play a high priority in my heart. I would fight tooth and nail to make sure I can provide for my girls but would I fight tooth and nail for myself? It’s easier to back others but I need to back myself.
How can I regain that sparkle back into myself?
I was reading an interesting article in the Forbes magazine online. '7 Ways To Get Your Mojo Back' cleverly describes how we feel when we are super excited about something. Excitement makes us vocal and we want to tell the world. Then if we return to that stagnated stage nothing happens and then we just stop!
I'm going to put myself through those 7 stages.
1. Changing your views
I have become a real stay at home mother, too exhausted to have fun and always turning down invites. I really need to take this on board and at least enjoy getting dressed up and socialising. Instead of thinking I haven't got the time. Or I have only myself to blame...
2. Changing our attitude
An interesting concept as I am always telling my athletes to change their thought pattern and trust the goals they have set and work towards them step by step. Although my goal is not work related maybe I should see myself as a business and think of ways of fine-tuning myself.
3. Changing your pattern
Work, after school actives, home, sleep - work, after school actives, home, sleep. A repeating pattern! You get the picture. I think it’s about time I jazz it up a bit changing the routine slightly. Adding in small increments that are for me. Instead of going into the office straight away at 8.30am go to a coffee shop and have 30mins me time. Or explore what is around the girl’s activities and see if I can use that time wisely.
4. Changing your priorities
For me everything always merges into one. I start off thinking I have everything under control. But as the day goes on I am a headless chicken. I need to set a schedule and no means no!
5. Change your mentors
DrivenWoman groups are my mentors. It's really refreshing and a good eye opener to put myself through the phases. Investing time listening to others that are growing and developing can only be a plus.
6. Changing your friends
Sounds drastic but I definitely believe that who you surround yourself with certainly have an effluence on your life. Understanding why people are in your life is important.
7. Changing your thoughts
That doubtful Thomas that jumps on your shoulder. The language we speak to ourselves will always have an on effect on our performance. Can I really commit to changing my thoughts and believe in a bigger dream? I don't know but I'm surely going to work on it!
This point is the actual thought pattern that my daughter has right now. She has a true belief in herself. She understands, with excitement, just how persistence does pay off especially when she has the ability to change herself. An incredible life lesson that can only hope she keeps for life.
I believe that we should picture our goals like a giant puzzle. Each piece represents a goal that is set for us. Once you place each piece you then move on to the other. How they look and feel, the outcome of the picture will be down to the quality of you.
Feeling ten foot tall is an amazing feeling. And I'm determined to get that sparkle back!
Have you ever felt your sparkle is gone? Please comment and share your experience, I'd love to hear how you feel about this.