I have a personal dilemma I'd like to share with you, and it's a little bit embarrassing. Or is it? For a while now I have wanted to cut my hair and stop dying the roots and allow my greys to come through. Oh yes, o-h y-e-s. “What!?” I can hear you saying... “Are you crazy? Lost your mind? “...... “ It's going to look dreadful, a-g-e-i-n-g!”
Yep. Maybe you are right. But maybe you are not the impulsive Jennifer Stoute... as she's done it anyway. "Help me!" I scream now with top of my lungs. My flowing locks are gone and in their place is a short bob, the beginning of a salt and pepper look. (Grin.) This sounds really unattractive as I am writing it. There goes my glamour side!
First, let me explain why I have come to this extreme decision. Dying my hair has actually become such a pain for me. I am allergic to every dye you can think of. The only dye I can use is one that makes me feel like I'm wearing a straight jacket. I can't get caught in the rain or it will drip down my face, I dare not lean against anything or it will rub off and leave evidence of my presence. So I guess to me my reasons are all valid. So I have taken the plunge and here I am. Terrified.
Now, the decision itself was fine and I was very happy with it, but what followed afterwards I did not expect .
The shock on my friends faces. My daughters were equally horrified. “What have you done mummy!” 30 minutes earlier I was a confident chick leaving the salon happy with my new look. Now I was full of panic, my heart was racing and I spend the next 5 hours paralysed by my decision. Every moment I would swing by the mirror trying to convince myself I had made the right decision. The girls were starting school the next day. Uniforms and bags had to be fixed, but I just couldn't get my act together.
I remember saying, “Come on Jennifer get a grip. It's fine, just handle it." Yet I couldn't.
I was numb with fright. Had I carried out the greatest crime on myself? I was up until 2am following morning looking through websites with women with grey hair and the do’s and don’ts. It was utter madness.
All of a sudden I became so self conscious it swept me off my feet and ricocheted me into a very vulnerable place. I found myself explaining my actions, and watching everyones eye contact. Were they looking me in the eyes, or.. ah, were they actually staring me at the top of my head? Alarm bells were ringing. "Oh, its the greys! What are they thinking...?"
I was checking out the male audience to see if I was still candy in their eyes (yes, that is laughable I admit.) All of those self conscious traits reared their ugly head and that was shocking for me as I thought I had conquered those demons many years ago. I thought I was free. I thought I could be myself and not care. Huh, it was not true.
My panic got me thinking about the past experiences. I started relating back to my running days and the time I spent filming Gladiators, and even to the break up with the girls father. How did I cope? How did I overcome injury to become a Gladiator on a TV hit show? How did I recover from the break up and managed to keep working with my ex, now running a successful company. What was it?
What got me through those moments of doubt? The answer was simple and it was staring me in the eye. It was my MINDSET.
That's all it was. My attitude to the problem rather than the problem itself. I chose the length of time I allowed it to keep me down. It was me who decided how much negativity I was going to give to the problem. And that decision would determine how long I would stay in the land of confusion.
We all make choices everyday. Some will be the right ones and some may not. How we choose to live with our decisions is totally in our power. Our curiosities have to be fed (and for me its the grey hair for now.) We have to experience many journeys. The good thing about life is that you can always change your path if your choices don't turn out the way you wanted.
And my mindset from now on...? It's to feed my curiosity no matter what the outcome. If one day I wake up and think "what the hell was I thinking!", I can always go back to the dripping hair dye.
I know I will have the odd mad hair day (ha ha) but thats fine. I will learn to rock it to my best ability.
Ps. This post was surprisingly painful to write. Thank you for reading and please comment. I have attached a link to a great article that offers simple advice if you need to improve your mindset. This will help you to keep positive mindset everyday.