Ah it was the Day of Lovers again, the day when lovers seem to be seen everywhere, sometimes forced into celebrating, and the singles want nothing more than to hibernate and hide out for an entire day. Why is Valentine's Day so much pressure and annoyance for so many?
Personally, as a Love Coach, I like the idea of a day specifically designed to celebrate love. What more important emotion could we celebrate after all? But I’ve also been in the situation of being single on Valentine’s Day and I fully recognize how difficult it could be to be surrounded by couples when you yourself are alone; or even when you have someone, but that someone makes you feel just as lonely as if you were alone.
I can fully understand how many people don't like the feeling of others having the happiness that they lack, and I can see why seeing others in love can make you feel even more alone if your own situation isn’t one that echoes that love. I’ve been there; so I get it. Since I’ve become a Love Coach, however, I deal with the idea of love on a regular basis.
Now I think of couples in love in a different way, as I know just how special having love really is. The thought of so many people out there finding love, despite all odds, is hugely comforting. After all, love is something that seems rarer and more challenging both to find and to keep these days with the advent of the swipe generation.
Love is an effort that must be made. It is a challenge that must be handled carefully and touched softly.
Careful not to push or pull too hard, but also something to lose ourselves into while keeping ourselves intact – a delicate balance that is much too often lost. There is a comfort in knowing that there are still people out there who, every day, find and uncover this delicate balance.
I like to think that if others can find and keep this amazing thing called love, it means that someday all of us could uncover the secret of this perfect balance for ourselves. Sometimes, in the moments when love seems more challenging or particularly scarce, it is this hope that keeps me going and keeps me positive.
I’ve spent a lot of time watching people who are successful at love and trying to isolate those exact elements that create ideal love life and love life shared as a true team with someone. I’ve spent time interviewing and watching the behaviour of both sexes to uncover what truly makes one successful in finding and keeping love.
One of the main things I’ve found is that it is those people who wish well for others who also find well for themselves.
Everyone I’ve spoken to claims that they want to be with someone with a positive outlook on life, no matter how negative their own outlook is. Those with a genuinely positive outlook on life attract more people in general; they have more friends; and they are nicer and more pleasant to be around.
Being likeable is the first stage towards being lovable. Obviously, there are exceptions to this rule and we all know people that we think are horrible that somehow land themselves a fantastic partner. But these are exceptions, and they often don’t bode well in the long-term. Imagine women you know who spend loads of time primping for a party and look a million bucks, but who wear a sulky or pompous expression when they actually go out. Though they may look beautiful, they generally don’t manage to attract quality people to them because the attitude they wear on the inside shines through and gives them away.
Such is everything in life. People who are attractive on the inside are much more successful in attracting quality, long-term partners to them.
When we wish well for others, even the things that we desire most and may not have ourselves yet, we open up that channel into the universe to allow those wonderful gifts to flow.
Wanting well for others also keeps our hearts more pure and our smiles of happiness for others’ successes more genuine. And this will radiate from us and create positivity that in itself is attractive.
One of the things that I’ve loved most about being a part of DrivenWoman is having that network of amazing women that genuinely wish each other well, being there to help during the failures and to congratulate during the successes. It means that we can truly be ourselves, filled with questions or happily finding answers, while improving ourselves at the same time, becoming the best version of who we really are.
So let all of us learn to smile at love! Let us celebrate the fact that there are many who feel it strongly and who want to show it – even if we ourselves don’t feel it immediately at the moment, or even if it’s a bit dangling in distress, we know that it’s out there and that someday we, too, have the potential to bask in all its’ glory.
Let's wish others well and open a positive window to all possibilities.
Julia Keller is a DrivenWoman member and Group Leader; and a transformational Love Coach.