It’s been a few months now since I decided to own my greys and step into the unknown of the disproval of others. This has been quite a journey, a very anxious one at times and constant battle with my strength of character.
I found myself always giving my life story of why I decided to go grey when I met people. Even if they said nothing I would look at where their eyes were focused and if it was remotely in the direction of my forehead I would immediately come out with this spill. “Oh, it's because... blaah blaah.” It was not until someone very close to me said “Jennifer why do feel the need to give an explanation all the time? Do you really feel that everyone’s opinion really matters? Who are you trying to convince?” He was so right. Why was I seeking the approval of others? Was it not good enough that I knew myself why I had made the decision and that surely is what counted the most.
I understood from then on how significant it was to know why we make changes and the only way to feel comfortable with our choices is to understand our intentions.
Trust your decision and go with it all in.
Once I had a clear understanding of my decision I no longer felt I had to explain or justify myself. If I got a negative reaction I just thought that's fine because I was doing this for me. Going through that emotion was very cleansing. I felt such a relief. I was now back in charge!
It’s astonishing how the language we project and the persona we give has such a profound impact on how we are treated. Now that I'm no longer blabbering my excuses I no longer get negative reactions. I may be met with silence on occasions and the odd peculiar look but that’s fine. Most of the time I'm met with admiration. And how cool is that.
This experience has been an incredible one. It has taught me more about myself than I thought possible. Internally I have grown leaps and bounds. I took myself so far out of my comfort zone that at times I felt very vulnerable. At the end of it I am glad I stuck it out.
I have found a lovely poem for you.
We spend too much of our life seeking approval from others.
Whether it is parents and siblings, even friends or lovers.
It is never a conscious decision that we make.
We don’t give it much thought and that can be a mistake.
It is far easier for us to submit, than ask them for respect.
We are paralyzed with fear that you won’t love us, I suspect.
You don’t need to be afraid and if you are refused,
Run as fast as you can, move on, do not be confused.
You should choose wisely; for there are those when asked,
Will deny the approval you seek, they’ll be unmasked.
If nothing else, please remember this,
Be yourself, you don't need approval from others to exist.
Sylvia A. Feeley
I wish everyone a non-apologetic week.